


Running Out Of Seconds

by Espeones



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Fluff, Gods exsist, Hisoka and Illumi are totally friends, Killua and Gon are two sad but happy boys, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Minor Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight, no doubt a-fucking-bout it, they just don't communicate with humans, well slightly happy ending anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-01-04 09:38:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18341036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Espeones/pseuds/Espeones
Summary: AU where everyone is born with a tattoo-like timer due to a curse from the Gods that shows up at the age of 10, that timer is the amount of time you have before you die.Gon just feels like things are never fair.And Killua doesn't want to leave him behind.





	1. Dead-lines

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, it's ya boi uhhhh- writers block here- 
> 
> I'm finally adding to the fandom (on here) since it's been a while for me to be able to complete anything worth posting. And I love my sons, and this anime/manga so much. Chapters may be a little on shorter side compared to how much I used to write, but I'm taking baby steps :')
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy ♡

    It was inevitable to feel scared. Watching as the numbers count down with every second that passes. One would be scared.

 

    Gon stared at the timer on Killua's stomach, lips pressed thinly. The other teen laid back on the grass, allowing Gon to trace the lines of the tattoo. 

 

    Five days, he had five days left starting tomorrow. 

 

    A breeze passed, the grass tickled at his exposed sides. His shirt was pushed up to his chest, Gon had insisted on seeing it. Even if he had seen it plenty times before. It was something Killua would always be willing to share with him, except for lately. All the times before he knew Gon tended to act ignorant towards the time present on the tattoo. They both knew it felt better that way.

 

    Killua cursed the Gods, wished that his generation didn't have to suffer from the curse so that he wouldn't have to face Gon's dazed, glossy eyes whenever he saw the timer. As though he knew that the other teen convinced himself it was all gonna be okay.

 

    Most people tried their best to ignore the ticking time that was printed somewhere on their body. Tried to avoid looking at it.  _ Ignorance is bliss... until it's too late _ , Killua thought grimly. 

 

    “It's not fair.” He heard faintly, barely a whisper that was picked up over the rustling of leaves in the wind and the singing of birds in the forest around them. 

 

    “Gon?” Killua raised his head slightly, blue eyes looking to the other teen. 

 

    “It's not fair!” Killua stared for a second, startled. Taken aback by how loud his voice rose. He could faintly hear the disturbance of the songbirds while his focus was on the other in front of him.

 

    Killua's eyes flashed in brief sadness, a frown growing ever-so-slowly. “Yeah, I know.” 

 

    “Why? Why don't they even listen to us anymore?” Gon still hadn't looked at him. It hurt them both, warm calloused hands grabbed his hand, roughly. Then it relaxed when Killua intertwined their fingers, running his thumb against Gon's knuckle in repetition. “I don't wanna lose you, Killua. It's not fair.”

    “I don't wanna leave you either, you know.” His head laid back down, the silver strands poked at his ears, tousling in the wind. He shut his eyes slowly, trying to relax his own nerves. “I don't know why they don't answer, I wish they did too, though.” He murmured, true to his word. Some nights when he looked in the mirror, he saw the small amount he had left. He would sometimes try to contact the Gods, more-so than before when he met Gon.

 

    “Killua.” 

 

    He hummed in response. Then his hand was lifted, and he felt Gon's lips press against his fingers. Killua's lips pressed into a line, trying to fight off the oncoming blush. 

 

    “ _ I’m gonna miss you… _ ” It was quiet, very quiet. Killua almost missed it.

 

    “ _ Idiot _ ,” he exhaled loudly through his nose. “I'm still alive right now, okay? We don't worry about that until it comes.” Despite the words, Gon still felt tense from where he lay, his torso hugged by the other's longer and paler legs. Killua felt him shift, still bothered.

 

    “I know, I wish I didn't have to think about it.” 

 

    He opened his eyes, and in one motion he sat up. Pulling Gon to prop himself up, he pressed a kiss to Gon's forehead, then nose, and then lips. He felt Gon inhale sharply. 

 

    “Then don't.” 

 

    Gon nudged him back as he kissed him back. A pained sound leaving Gon's throat. Killua cupped his face, passion mixed with sadness. That's what he felt, what they both did. 

 

    Killua catches his breath silently, thumbs brushing Gon's cheekbones as he stared up into amber eyes. “Spend the rest of those 5 with me, please..?”

 

    Gon smiles a little, softly and genuinely. “Of course, we'll do anything you want! We can go get chocolate desserts, hang out, anything you want.”

 

    “That sounds nice… the chocolate part. Can we take Alluka to the amusement park on Friday?” That'd be tomorrow, he didn't want to think how his sister would react. He'd never shown her the timer he had. Yet, he was conflicted on keeping it a secret. 

 

    “Of course! Anything you want, remember?” He repeats, and Killua nods slowly. He looped his arms around Gon's neck, smiling just as softly as he kissed him again. 

 

    “Thank you,” Killua mumbled at their brief parting. Rolling them onto their sides, Gon's hand moved to his outer hip, tracing shapes and words. 

 

    Killua felt safe, just laying here in a secluded place with Gon. It felt special, memorable. Just the two of them in a moment of solidarity, pushing past the worries. Killua felt loved. He always did with Gon.

 

    He didn't want to die yet.

 

    His eyes squeezed shut, he wanted to cry. His family would never approve of showing such weakness. Yet, with Gon, he already felt vulnerable, he wanted to cry. He really did.

 

    “Oh, Killua…” Gon brought the other teen's head to his neck. Hugging him close, Killua choked back a sob. 

 

    It wasn't just sadness. For the first time in a long time, he was  _ scared _ . Scared for something that didn't include the torturous things his family had expected of him. Scared of something that didn't include his brother’s intimidating look; that became suffocating to be under. 

 

    He was scared of leaving Gon, he was scared to die. Not being able to go experience the sights of the world. He was scared to leave Alluka to fend for herself. 

 

    “You can cry, Killua.” Gon reassured him, squeezing his hip gently. But even so, his voice was also weak and quiet. 

 

    Killua clenched his teeth before murmuring an obvious lie, “ _ I can't _ .”  _ But I want to... _

 

    Gon just hugs him tighter, and Killua realizes that the other's broader shoulders were trembling against him. “You can, you'll feel better…” He says, then adds soon after, “I wanna cry too.”

 

    Killua blinks away the tears that hadn't yet fallen, huffing a humourless laugh. The few that ran down his cheeks dried quickly. “We're idiots.” His voice quieted, “I said it myself that we shouldn't think about it.”

 

    He hears Gon sniffle, “big idiots.” The laugh that leaves him felt less doleful. Killua joined him with his own few chuckles. It died down fast. Neither wanting to say something to spoil the mood again. So Killua adjusted himself to hug Gon back, even in the awkward position. 

 

    He inhaled and exhaled in a slow, steady rhythm.  _ Enjoy the time I have left, worry later. _ Killua frowned slightly,  _ I don't want the rest of my days to be miserable. That'd be the most regrettable thing. _

 

    “Gon?” 

 

    “Yeah, Killua?” 

 

    “Can… we go get some chocolate cake right now?” They rolled over again, this time Killua staring down as Gon pulls away, a bright smile growing on his face. Killua wiped the extra tears and felt the other's warm hand wipe away his own. 

 

    “Of course, we'll get as much as you’re craving.” He replies, since to him the answer was clear as crystals. 

 

    “And you're paying…” Less of a question, but it wanted confirmation. 

 

    And then Gon laughed, full and genuine that it made Killua's stomach do flips and yet at the same time made it twist to a knot. “Yes, I'm paying.” 

 

    “Good.” And then he kissed him, running his fingers through spiky dark strands of hair. Gon sighed, hands resting back on his hips.  _ I don't deserve you _ , Killua thought briefly.  _ I never did, yet I still love you all the same. _

 

    Killua sat up when they parted, his sleeveless shirt called back into place. “Come on, the sooner we get there the sooner I can have the wonderful taste of chocolate.” 

 

    Gon mirrored him when he got up, “m'kay. You're coming over after and we're playing video games all night! Sound good?” 

 

    “If I get to beat your ass at video games every time then sure.” They shared a grin before Gon grabbed his hand. Pale cheeks felt warm but he squeezed the other's hand in his as they walked. 

 

    He'll be damned if he's gonna let these last days be depressing.


	2. The Amusement Park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They take Alluka (and Nanika) to the amusement park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I got a chapter done :'D

    Gon stirred, bringing the thin and heavy mass closer. Nuzzling into the familiar silver head of hair. “ _ Killua… _ ” Gon mumbled in detest as the other twisted in his arms. “ _ Stop squirming _ .”

 

    Killua did stop, a little after the words were spoken. Now his back was facing Gon, which he felt a twinge of disappointment. Killua always looked pretty when he was sleeping, he could admire the calm look, pretty and light silver lashes, and parted lips.

 

    That didn't stop Gon from pulling him close and spooning him anyway, resting his chin atop of Killua's head and his hand over Killua's cold one. The nature child knew full well that Killua was awake, seeing the tips of his ears grow red. Gon smiled, holding back an amused laugh.

 

    “Shut up before I shut you up, Gon-  _ I hear you laughing _ !”

 

    Well, Gon couldn't hold back from that. Bubbling laughter filling the room, Killua's hand turned and interlaced their fingers. Before squeezing his hand,  _ hard _ .

 

    “ _ Ow _ , Killua! Sorry, sorry!”

 

    Killua released his tight hold, peaking an eye at Gon. He saw the flash of a smirk, something that changed into an amusing smile. The Zoldyck twisted around, facing him once more. 

 

    “What time is it?” He said in a mumble, stretching his arms up in a manner Gon could compare to a cat. Gon sat up, looking to the clock. “ ‘s nine.”

 

    “Oh.” Killua thought for a moment before shrugging. “You don’t mind missing today right?”

 

    “I promised you yesterday we’d be together until…  _ then _ , right?”

 

    He saw a moment of recognition in Killua’s eyes, nodding once, “yeah.” He confirmed in a  quiet tone. 

 

    Gon grinned, pushing away the thoughts of the farther future. “Do you wanna get ready and we can go out to the amusement park with Alluka?” He suggests, standing up and fixing his creased clothing. 

 

    Killua pushes out a yawn as he rolled to Gon’s outer edge of the bed, noting how warm the spot was. Compelled to continue laying down. Blue eyes blinked owlishly when Gon turned, a visible glint of mischief in his eyes. 

 

    Gon quickly peeled the blanket off Killua, earning a yelp as the warmth was torn away. Swiftly was he picked up, glaring at Gon half-heartedly before relaxing with a sigh. Gon chuckled when he let his head go limp, hanging back over Gon's arm. 

 

    “Did you wanna take a shower first?” Gon asks, putting him down on his feet.  

 

    Killua hums, “sure, gimme a few minutes.” 

 

    Gon watches him leave, a sway in his hips with each step before he disappeared past the door. Gon faintly heard the bathroom door shut close, and then he turned to his phone on the bedside table. Skimming through it before putting it down to fix the bed, not wanting Aunt Mito to scold him again. 

 

    We’ll get ready and then we’ll pick Alluka up when she’s done school… He plans, sitting at the edge of the bed, rubbing his knuckles. Gon perked up visibly when Killua strolled back in, glancing at him before turning to the bag of clothing in the corner, something Gon insisted when Killua began to stay overnight more often than not. 

 

    Gon averted his eyes away from the visible etchings. There was no sound, yet from the corner of his eye, as the numbers changed and changed, he swore he could hear a tick with each.

 

    “Gon.” 

 

    He blinked up, realizing he was staring into space. Grinning sheepishly, he excused himself to take his own shower.

 

    The water was cold, he let the drops run down his nude form. Like chilling daggers, it kept him grounded for the meantime. It kept him distracted. 

 

    When he was done, out, and changed. They left with a goodbye to Mito and Abe. Gon brought Killua to the nearby cafe, Killua's preferred (and Gon would say favourite) choice. 

 

    They had a few hours to spend and Gon wasn't about to let them go to waste. 

 

    “Hot chocolate?” He asks as Killua sits at the two-person table by the window. 

 

    Killua looks at him incredulously, “is that even a question?” 

 

    Gon smiles, laughing and goes to line up. He felt Killua's stare burn into his back, making him turn to meet those icy blue hues that always tended to soften when looking to him. 

 

    He didn't deserve Killua, so he'd make Killua happy in any way he could. 

 

  
•°•

  
  


    “ _ Hmm _ , isn't that your brother?” 

 

    Illumi glanced to the direction of the pointing finger. Hisoka, who was staring at Illumi for any reaction, sighed when he received nothing. 

 

    “Yes,” Illumi turns back at him, “why?” 

 

    “I'm just wondering why you'd want to follow him around.” Hisoka's smile temps Illumi to kick the chair from under him. 

 

    He stays quiet though, looking to Killua through the window. Even from here, his younger brother's eyes were clouded with something. 

 

    Then Illumi spoke again, quietly, “his time is running out soon.” 

 

    Hisoka turns to him, eyes giving away his slight surprise. “Is that so? Unfortunate.” His tone was different for the moment. And Illumi nods, knowing that his brother had been seen to have tons of potential. Hisoka sighs, walking towards the cafe. Pausing when Illumi had yet to follow.

 

    “Well, are you coming? This place has a very good selection.” Golden eyes are filled with enjoyment. 

 

    “Don't push your luck.” Yet follows him anyway.

 

 

•°•

  
  


    Gon and Killua walked out of the cafe, the former barely catching the gaze of a familiar pair before they turned away towards the park a street down. One pair golden, the other nearly black. Gon tensed, but the two didn't follow. Merely watching them leave. Killua noticed his rigid form.

 

    “You okay?” 

 

    Gon smiles to the other, “yeah, so normal park first?” 

 

    Eyes squint at him but then Killua nods, a small smile on his lips as he takes enthusiastic gulps of the hot chocolate. Gon giggled, pointing to the whipped cream left on his lips. And when Killua turned his head to him with knitted brows, Gon stole a peck and the whipped cream with it. Watching on in gaiety when Killua's cheeks flushed a warm hue.

 

    Gon interlocked their hands and it swung back and forth between them. 

 

_ This was okay _ , he thought,  _ I like this. _

 

    Their time was spent in the atmosphere of a nearly empty park. Grateful for the fact that school was still in session, not many people were there. 

 

    He wondered if Illumi, Killua's notorious brother, and Hisoka, some friend(?) of his. Followed them there, whether they did or not, Gon wasn't going to let them ruin the time they had left. 

 

    “It's nice today...” Killua mumbles, leaning his head against Gon's shoulder. “If you see Illu-nii and Hisoka, ignore ‘em okay?” 

 

    Gon blinked, craning his head to look at Killua, whose eyes were shut, a peaceful look on his features. 

 

    “You saw them?” 

 

    “I saw them before they approached the cafe.” He shrugs slightly, his expression unchanging. 

 

    Gon nods, the hand at Killua's upper back subconsciously moved to play with those fluffy, smooth strands of white. Killua took a glance at him from the corner of Gon's eye. Killua's jaw shifting before he held out the hot chocolate. 

 

    “Want some?” He offered, some reluctance in his eyes but he offered nonetheless. Gon responds with a grin, his hand landing over Killua's as he guided the cup to his lips. Killua's lips pressed tightly, eyes widened by a fraction, then there was the blush, a favourite of Gon's.

 

    “Why can't you hold it yourself?” He exclaims in a hushed whisper, head tilting down so that his bangs hid his upper face. But Gon could still see the now-flushed ears that burned with embarrassment. 

 

    “Because!” He chirped, laughing a placing a kiss to the top of Killua's head. Earning a groan.

 

    “That's not even a reason,” Killua said, followed by incoherent grumble.  

 

    “Well it's a reason to me, I just wanted to.” 

 

    “ _ Right _ .” He briefly catches Killua rolling his eyes, but doesn't say anything else. 

 

    The rest of the two hours they spent there, whether it was just talking or in a comfortable silence, neither Gon nor Killua spotted Illumi or Hisoka. If they were fortunate enough that they didn't decide to stalk them the whole day. 

 

    The two walked hand-in-hand to their high school. Waiting quietly for Alluka by the gates. Killua's hand squeezed Gon's.

 

    “Don't… tell her in any way… okay? I'll be doing it myself. She deserves that much.” Killua's eyes never left the ground beneath them, even so, Gon nodded.

 

    “Okay, I won't.” He promised.

 

    “I'm scared about how she'll react though…” 

 

    Gon paused, grabbing the taller boy and moving Killua in front of him. Gon hugged his best friend, and boyfriend. Feeling Killua's hands hesitate before resting on his back, returning the embrace. 

 

    “She won't hate you.” Gon assures into his ear.

 

    He hears Killua swallow, “I know.” The words were quiet, felt dry to the tongue. Gon hugged Killua tighter.

 

    “Onii-chan? Gon?”

 

    “Hey, Alluka.” Killua pulls away, greeting his sister with a smile. She looks between them before smiling back to Killua. “Since it's Friday, did you want to go to the amusement park that opened?” 

 

    Her eyes widen and light up like fireworks. “What really? Right now?!” Blues like Killua's excitedly flicker between them. 

 

    “Yeah, even Nanika can come to, okay?” Killua says as she takes both his hands, jumping up and down in excitement. Gon was aware she wasn't allowed outside much other than going to school, seen as the black sheep out of the Zoldyck siblings. 

 

    Nanika was introduced to Gon as a spirit who attached herself to Alluka. Something the rest of the family was wary of, while Killua accepted years ago.

 

    “We can drop your school stuff off at Gon's place since it's along the way, alright?” 

 

    Alluka beams, Killua's eyes soften and his smile reached a gentle footing. A reserved look that came with the amount of unconditional love he had for his younger sister. But Gon couldn't deny that seeing Alluka in such a happy state made him happy too. 

 

    Skipped between the two, listing off the things she'd like to experience for the rest of the afternoon and evening while they were there. Adding in the things Nanika would like to do as well. Killua watched her from the corner of his eye, listening attentively to her wishes until they made the stop at Gon's house. Putting Alluka's backpack in the living room.

 

    “Onii-chan, why weren't you at school today?” Alluka asks while they were back on track towards the park. 

 

    “I was excused for the day, family stuff,” he excuses and then smiles, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. Gon stares, knowing the smile felt forced. Killua didn't want Alluka to be suspicious. “Don't worry about it okay?”

 

    Her lips fall to a small frown but otherwise doesn't push the older Zoldyck. “ ‘kay.”

 

    Alluka filled the silence with humming, songs Gon have heard and didn't recognize. Both equally grateful that she lightened the mood.

 

    After reaching their destination, ten minutes later, tickets were bought and they entered the park eagerly. 

 

    Alluka let out a breath of awe, looking around. “Let's go on the rides first!”

 

    Killua ruffled the hair on her head as he walked next to her. “Mm sure,” he grins. “Which one does thou want to go on first?” 

 

    Gon and Killua's eyes met briefly before they looked to Alluka, the younger teen in thought. 

 

    “That one!” She exclaims, pointing to one not that far away. 

 

    “Okay, let's go!” Gon spoke up, pacing ahead. He glanced back to see the two siblings follow after him, an excited look on the younger, a gratitude look on the older.

 

    Ride after ride, enjoyment ran through the three. Alluka even told them Nanika was enjoying herself, thanking the two through Alluka. 

 

    Then Alluka spoke up during the Ferris wheel, the atmosphere tensed immediately. Or specifically, Killua had.

 

    “Onii-chan, how long is left?” She asked from across Gon, eyes trailing to her brother next to her.

 

    Gon noticed how his shoulders went rigid, hands balling into fists that tightened and loosened. Pale lips pressed into a tight line.

 

    “Four days.” He whispered.

 

    Alluka turned her head to him, eyes wide, but not as much surprise that Gon was expecting. Killua swallowed the lump in his throat, taking Alluka's hand to squeeze gently. 

 

    “Sorry for not telling you sooner, I didn't want to scare you…” He says, quietly, “it was Nanika right? She told you?” He finally looked up, meeting her similar blue eyes, she nodded.

 

    “Hai… she sensed it, she got worried too.” Gon frowned, he didn't realize Nanika could tell so well. Killua embraced his sister, hearing as she began to cry into his shoulder.

 

    “It's okay,” he assured in soothing tone, “I've accepted it. But I wish I didn't have to leave you so soon.” Killua's eyes met Gon's at that moment, and he realized that those words weren't just meant for Alluka and Nanika.

 

    “B-but Onii-chan…” She hiccuped, trying to bury her head further into the fabric of his shirt. 

 

    Killua stroked her hair, trying to calm her down. “It's okay, it'll be okay. Gon's here too, he'll be here for you as well. You know that right?” 

 

    Killua didn't look at Gon, he was unsure whether it was because the other was going to start crying too, or that he trusted Gon that much to know this already. 

 

    Gon's hands clenched at his pants, looking out the window. Something he pointed to when Killua finally looked his way. 

 

    He pulled Alluka away gently, “look.” He said, leaning back against the seat to let Alluka see the setting sun. Her lip quivered but she wiped the tears away with her sleeve.

 

    “Thank you, Onii-chan, Gon.” She mumbles, sniffling. Gon hands her a tissue from the pack he keeps with him. Which she accepted, appreciative. 

 

    The rest of the ride was quiet, eventually, the four (including Nanika) had to get off. The operator had glanced to Alluka's still puffy red eyes with a questioning look. Which went ignored but neither Gon nor Killua missed it. They wandered for a while, but the heavy reality rested in their minds like weights, it didn't feel as happy as before.

 

    “Onii-chan… can… can you stay just this time?” Alluka said when they were walking back to Gon's house, going to be picking up her bag.

 

    Killua looked to Gon, and Gon bit his lip. Nodding, as much as the selfish desire to be with Killua and keep him with Gon had pinched and poked his mind. Alluka was his sister, she deserved to have more time than just this to cope and say goodbye. 

 

    “Okay, we can watch movies or play video games all night if you can keep up.” Killua smiled feeling strained but truly wanted his sister to be okay after he… leaves. 

 

    “Oh, Nanika and I will totally beat you at Mario Kart this time!” 

 

    Gon's eyes shifted, looking ahead. He was happy, sure, but there was a far deeper feeling that was striking him like constant lightning. Like a swirl in his stomach that made him churn. He felt selfish, he  _ was _ selfish. He didn't want to be away from Killua knowing that he'd be gone in just a few more days.

 

    It… hurt, but for Killua, who looked like the weight was gone whenever Alluka laughed or smiled brightly at him. He knew that he'll have to suck it up and let them have their time together. He really liked Alluka too, and it'd hurt just as bad to nudge a refusal. 

 

    So he pushed himself to smile, and then joined into the conversation the best he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the chapter, I appreciate you all taking the time to read this :']


	3. Falling Into Waves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The smell of salt felt refreshing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took a little longer, but I managed to finish it :>  
> This chapter felt a little off with its flow, hopefully not too terrible as a whole though :')

    Killua greeted Mito with a polite smile as soon as she opened the door. She returned it with her own motherly one. 

 

    “Good morning Killua,” she said, stepping aside to let him in. “Gon’s still asleep, but I’m sure you can wake him up.” 

 

    His smile widened a little, “sure, I can.” Taking off his shoes, he went for the stairs, backpack still on. His feet patted almost silently against the wooden floor. Blue eyes gained a mischievous glint as he peaked in the room, eyes landing on Gon’s sleeping form. He saw Gon’s legs and hair poke out from under the covers. Sneaking into the room quietly, he stood at the end of the bed, placing his backpack on the ground before hunching down and launching himself onto the sleeping form. 

 

    Gon grunted as soon as Killua landed on his back, making a noise when Killua pulled part of the blanket away from his upper body. “ _ Killua! _ ” He opened an eye, meeting Killua’s own cat-like grin. 

 

    “Wakey wakey, Mito wanted me to get you up.” Killua lifted himself when Gon twisted around to lay on his back, almost straddling him now. Gon wrapped his arms around Killua’s waist, hugging his midsection. 

 

    “I don’t wanna get up yet though…” Gon peaked an eye to look at Killua’s expression, grin wiped away and replaced with a flustered look.    
  


     Killua huffed, moving his head back and proceeded to get off him and the bed. His hands went up to rest on his hips, looking down at Gon’s pouting face. “ _ No puppy eyes _ \- I thought you said you had something planned? I brought my backpack of spare clothes and stuff like you asked.” The words managed to get Gon up, newfound enthusiasm. 

 

    “Right! Okay, give me a little while to shower!” He paused, looking to Killua with a tilted head, “are you eating breakfast with us too?” 

 

    “ _ Depends _ ,” Killua's foot tapped against the floor lightly. “I'll have a little but I already ate earlier.” He shooed Gon out of the room, glancing to the unmade bed.  _ No, _ his mind utters immediately, but he flops down on it anyway. While it was less soft than his bed, he was content with keeping himself on the still-warm dip where Gon was sleeping.

 

    Killua propped himself up from where he laid on his stomach, grabbing his phone to distract him. Feet bouncing slightly from where they were off the bed. 

 

    Killua glanced at the door when Gon walked in, meeting his gaze before openly staring. 

 

    “Killua?”

 

    “Yeah?”

 

    “Uhm…” Gon blinked, and even though he turned away to get out fresh clothes. Killua's stare burned into his exposed back, he shivered as he pulled on a shirt. Eventually feeling that gaze tore off his body, he got dressed. Going ahead downstairs, Gon followed him into the kitchen/dining room. 

 

    Killua sat down with the three although he mainly picked at the small portion of food he was given. Gon ate his own plate of food quite quickly though. Throughout the mostly quiet meal, Gon ignored the glances Mito sent him and Killua. He wasn’t sure if she figured something had happened, but he wasn’t up to answering any questions she’d interrogate him with. 

 

    Gon helped Mito with the dishes just as eagerly as Killua was willing to help dry them. And as soon as they finished, Gon had gone to take his backpack and Killua’s own before they left.

 

    “We’re taking the car today!” Gon exclaimed when he turned them towards the driveway instead which gained him a cocked eyebrow. Killua narrowed his eyes in suspicion but got into the passenger's side without question. 

 

    “Are you gonna tell me  _ where  _ exactly we’re going?” Killua asked, leaning the seat back a bit as Gon turned on the engine. 

 

    Gon took a glance at him, before responding; “nope!” He said, adding emphasis to the ‘p’. Killua gave him a look but rolled with it, he was sure whatever surprise Gon had planned was going to be great regardless.

  
  


•°•

  
  


    “Wanna switch the radio station?” Gon suggests, being about twenty minutes into driving. As far as Killua knew, they were going further from their common areas of hanging out. 

 

    “You don’t even need to say it aloud,” Killua replies, switching the station to something that met both their tastes. He turned his head to the window, counting each red coloured car they drove past. Killua hadn’t realized he even fell asleep until he was being shaken awake, his name being called. 

 

    Then he yelped, jumping and managing to hit his head at the top of the car when he felt something cold pressed against his neck. “Gon!”  _ Damn it I knew I shouldn’t have stayed up so late with Alluka. _

 

    He grinned at Killua sheepishly, the object in question was held in his hand ended up being an ice pack. Earning a glare from Killua before the Zoldyck registered the smell of salt that wafted through the car of Gon’s opened window. He blinked, anger washing away when he twisted around to look out the window. Past the other rows of cars, he could see the beach and the sparkling waters of the ocean past it. He felt Gon’s fingers push his chin up, shutting his slightly gaping mouth. 

 

    It’s been a long time since he’s ever gotten the chance to go to any sort of beach or ocean, the last time he remembers was years ago when his family didn’t have high expectations for him. 

 

    Then that changed when they checked his timer at the age of 10. Killua was still allowed to continue school and carry on with an everyday schedule, but his family’s expectations immediately fell when realizing he wouldn’t live to an age of inheriting their business. 

 

    “You-  _ wow _ …” Killua looked back to him, the surprised expression yet to leaving him. Gon flashed him a smile, taking his backpack from the backseat and shutting the window before getting out of the car. Killua soon followed, stretching out his legs before standing up. He took in the smell of salt water eagerly, feeling wide awake. 

 

    “This isn’t the exact spot just yet!” Gon said, taking a spot next to him and grabbing Killua’s hand. Which was still cold from the ice pack. Killua met his eyes and allowed Gon to lead him past the plethora of cars and into the area covered with trees and vegetation. Killua rose a brow at the rhythm that Gon kept with his steps, feeling almost calculated. Though he decided not to voice his curiosity.

 

    Gon then stopped, glancing around at their surroundings. Killua saw the brief look of concentration shown with furrowed brows and a lowered tilt at each corner of his lips. “You know where we’re going right?” He finally spoke up, adjusting the straps of his baggage. 

 

    “Of course!” He was responded with enthusiasm, then Gon’s voice lowered to a mumble; “it’s just been a little while.” Killua stared at the back of his head before he was then pulled along once more, taking them past more similar looking trees and shrubbery before he pulled Killua through an annoying group of branches. 

 

    “We’re here!” 

 

    Killua pulled out leaves from his hair before looking up towards Gon, “ _ Oh _ … wow.” Killua mumbled, while it was still a part of the beach, it was obvious that this part was nearly secluded to anyone who would stumble upon it. Sand nearly spotless from any sorts of litter and not another soul nearby as far as Killua could tell. 

 

    “Woah, and you found this?” Killua asked, walking past Gon to fully survey the area.

 

    “Mhm! Nearly three summers ago!” Gon said, “sort of why I had to take a moment to remember the right path at one point.” His tongue was poked out sheepishly when Killua turned around fully to face him.

 

_ I don't deserve you, Gon. _ Killua gives him a small smile, pushing away any more thoughts that could further lower his mood. "You didn't tell me we'd be swimming, nor did you say to bring swimwear," Killua says, walking to one of the larger rocks and placed his bag down on its flattened surface. "Did you have a plan for that?"

 

    "Well, I brought yours from that one time we went to the pool." Gon says matter-of-factly. 

 

    "Oh?" Killua took strides and stopped in front of him, "I'm impressed to see you planned this far ahead." He presented a small smirk, flicking Gon's forehead lightly.

 

    Gon pouted, but then stole a kiss from Killua's lips. Brushing past him quickly before the pale teen could flick at him again. Gon placed his backpack next to Killua's, pulling out the swimwear he mentioned to Killua, already having his own on (which he may or may not have switched in a bathroom while Killua was asleep in the car.) 

 

    Gon held out the swim trunks to Killua as he went to grab sunscreen. 

 

    Killua, who had already taken off his shirt to change, eyed the bottle in Gon's hand, a mouth opening to protest before Gon gave him a stern look. "You have to."

 

    "But I don't want to… it feels gross." 

 

    " _ Killuuuaaaa- _ you got a bad sunburn last time we went swimming!" Gon said, flipping open the cap and squeezing the white lotion-like liquid onto his hand. "Turn around!"

 

    Killua made a strangled noise, "no way!" He nearly hissed, every aspect of his posture change reminded Gon of a cat. " _ Keep that away from me! _ " 

 

    Gon's lips twisted to a grin, eyes flicking to his hand of sunscreen and back to Killua. And in a split second, Killua took off at the same moment Gon flung a splatter of sunscreen his way. 

 

    "GON WHAT THE HELL!" Killua shrieked, feeling the cooler liquid hit his lower back and slid down to the hem of his pants. "It's  _ cold _ !" 

 

    "It was next to the ice pack." 

 

    Killua stopped and spun around, glaring, "and just  _ why _ ?" He inquired.

 

    Gon grinned, eyes shut as his head tilted to the side ever-so-slightly. " _ Because _ ."

 

    Killua grimaced when the splotch of sunscreen hit the sand beneath him. "Ughh," he shuddered but walked back to Gon, "fine you win,  _ this time _ ."

 

    Gon's eyes gleamed in triumph when Killua faced his back to him, grumbling under his breath. Gon covered his back in a sensible amount of sunscreen. He stepped back, watching Killua's back muscles flex as he changed out and into the swimwear. Between the two of them, changing was not really something they were bothered by and considering no one else was around, it wasn't an issue. And while Killua changed, Gon took the chance to use the sunscreen for himself.

 

    As soon as Killua was done applying sunscreen to the rest of himself, Gon took his hand and dragged him over to the water. Not expecting Killua to push him into the rushing waves when they stopped, Gon gasped before he hit the ocean’s water. Popping his head out and shaking his now slumping hair from his face. 

 

    “That was a cheap shot!” Gon shouted towards him. Then Killua bursts out in laughter, running after him and jumping into the water with Gon. Who then wrapped his arms around Killua while bubbling with his own laughter. 

 

    The warmth that spread through Killua when he heard Gon’s genuine laugh and shining smile was all he could feel throughout the rest of their day. 


	4. Flowers And A Night Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flower for you, and for you, and a couple of words in my thanks.

    Killua and Gon didn’t exactly go to school, to  _ go  _ to school. It was mainly Killua who wanted to do it, because to him, it felt wrong leaving his other friends behind without any word. 

  
  


_     Killua glared at Gon when he picked up on the muffled giggles, a clear look of ‘shut the hell up’ in his eyes. He wasn’t going to let Gon fuel his embarrassment for the act. He wanted to show his thanks in  _ some  _ manner. Though he couldn’t force himself to  _ not  _ have his cheeks warm up when Gon shook his head and gave him a gentle look of understanding, albeit mixed with sadness even Gon couldn’t hide.  _

 

_ Killua steeled himself and grabbed the bouquet of flowers he opted for.  _

  
  
  


    Gon helped him carry the flowers, a group of  Hydrangea, each stem wrapped in dark blue ribbons. Classes had yet to be in session, and those who were littered throughout the front yard and halls only spared them a few curious glances. 

 

    The closest office they were headed to was Biscuit Krueger, a guidance counsellor who had helped them more than once with her own advice. Killua peaked through the door which was left ajar, Bisky was looking intently through a magazine Killua knew she frequently reads. 

 

    As if she felt his gaze, her pinkish eyes lifted to Killua’s blue ones. “Is there anything you need, Killua?”

 

    Killua glanced back at Gon, who sent him a small smile. ‘ _ You can do this, _ ’ his eyes read. The white-haired teen pushed open the door and held out the flower to Bisky. The blonde woman eyed the flower, a brow raised, she looked back up to Killua as she took it slowly from his outstretched hand. Confusion showed through her eyes over anything else. 

 

    “I wanted to thank you for everything…” Killua says quietly after a moment, “putting up with me and all that…” His eyes were glued to the ground, but he didn’t miss the quiet and sharp intake of air that emitted from the counsellor.  

 

    “I…” She paused, finding her own words before speaking again, “I’m happy I had the chance to meet you,” she started, placing the puzzle pieces together. “You were a brat- a stubborn one, but that didn’t make me care any less.” Killua’s eyes widened slightly when he met her gaze, seeing her tear up before she had suddenly pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. 

 

    He gasped, patting her back as he returned the hug. “I-It’s okay, you don’t have to cry!” He assured, looking to the ceiling when she had yet to let go.  _ I forgot I wasn’t good with old ladies _ . 

 

    “I’m gonna miss you, damn brat.” She said, pulling away as she held his shoulders. She squeezed them before finally stepping away. She wiped away any tears from the corner of her eye, smiling softly to him. “And the flower is lovely, thank you.” 

 

    Killua nodded, “keep an eye on Gon when- when I’m gone, for me, please?”

 

    Bisky smiled a little wider, “of course, I’ll make sure he doesn’t get into too much trouble, but you know how he is.” 

 

    “Course I do,” Killua rolled his eyes, “but thanks again. Have a nice day, Bisky.” 

 

    She fell back into her chair as he left, her smile faltering until she looked back to the Hydrangea in her hand. 

  
  


  * °•



  
  


    "Who did you want to see next?" Gon asks. “We still have fifteen minutes until class starts.” He looks at Killua, a blank look on his boyfriend/best friend’s features. Realizing Killua was lost in thought, Gon steered them towards Mr Wing’s class. Figuring that was a good place to go next. Even so, Gon’s lips fell, a sullen tone if you knew him well enough. He fought the urge to grab Killua’s hands or hold him on the spot since they were still carrying the bunches of flowers. 

 

    “Killua,” Gon murmurs, snapping Killua out of his daze. “We’re at Mr Wing’s class.” He says, watching as the other stopped in his tracks and blinked at Gon.

 

    “ _ Oh _ , right,” Killua mumbles, looking to the classroom door. He took a deep breath, handing Gon the rest he had in his arms and kept two to give for the moment. Gon’s eyes followed him as he walked to the door, rapped a couple of knocks on the door and waited fruitfully. 

 

    Wing opened it a beat later, eyes behind the glasses looking down to meet Killua. “I see you aren’t skipping.” He said, but Gon saw him notice the flowers in Killua’s hands. “What are those for?”

 

    Killua’s fingers twitched, “can I speak with you and Zushi for a moment out here?” 

 

    Wing didn’t say anything for a second, acknowledging Gon with a nod. “Very well.” He replies, turning back to the class inside and called for Zushi to come out to the hall. 

 

    The short freshman smiled when he saw Killua and Gon with Wing, though he picked up on the very solemn atmosphere. “... Is everything okay?” He asks, concern building in his voice. 

 

    Gon looked down, wanting to say it himself but he refrained when he felt Killua’s gaze pierce him for a brief second. His boyfriend held out a flower to both of them, eyes watching their reactions intently. One was filled with confusion, the other was understanding. Zushi was the former, Wing was the latter. Much like Bisky, Wing picked up the meaning of such an uncharacteristic gesture immediately. 

 

    “How long?” He asks, ignoring Zushi’s questioning looks for the time being. 

 

    Gon finally tears his gaze from the ground, looking between the three and subconsciously steps closer to Killua’s side. “Basically two days.” He answers, finally looking to Zushi to explain before he could speak out himself, “my timer’s running out.”

 

    Zushi gasps, “what!? S-so soon?” His eyes widen, filling with despair.

 

    Killua sighs, “unfortunately,” was his curt response.

 

    Then both Wing and Zushi looked at Gon. Causing him to shrink back.

 

    “I’ll be okay.” He says, and yet he doesn’t really believe it. Killua was the only person where he never felt like he had to hold back. Someone he could trust and would always be there to bring Gon back to sanity through any tough time. While Gon had other friends and people to support him, they weren’t  _ Killua _ .

 

    “We’ll be here if you ever need it.” 

 

    Gon swallows the forming lump in his throat, his voice felt dry. “ _ I know _ .” 

 

    Killua eyes him for a moment before moving an arm around him and holding his opposite shoulder. “We shouldn’t keep either of you any longer.” Killua smiles a little, a genuine one. “Thank you for everything.”

 

    “Likewise, I wish our parting didn’t have to be so brief.” Wing frowned, holding a steady tone though they both knew he was struggling too.

 

    Zushi wiped at the building tears, “I’m gonna miss you, Killua!” He exclaims in a hushed whisper. 

 

    “Yeah, me too.” Killua inhales deeply, Gon feels him squeeze his shoulder. “Have a good day, both of you. Thanks again.” 

 

    Wing nods, telling Zushi he’ll care for both flowers until class ends. Nudging the freshman back into the classroom and nods goodbye to them both, a rare yet sad smile on Wing’s lips as he watches them walk down the hall. 

 

    Gon really does take Killua’s hand this time, who doesn’t protest at the action. He takes the lead this time, and Gon stays quiet through the rest of the walks between classes/offices that they visited. Each stop was one more given flower until they only had two left. 

 

    “Did you want to message them?” Gon asks, sitting down on one of the benches, he rocked back and forth as he watched Killua. The pale teen was biting at the nail of his thumb, eyes trained on the last two flowers in Gon's hand. 

 

    "Kurapika would still be in class, Leorio wouldn't be on break yet." He mutters. Eyes flicking up to Gon's. "But yeah, we can." He says with a sigh, pulling out his phone to text the two. 

 

    The response was almost immediate.

  
  


**Received:**

**Pika(chu)** _I see, I can meet you three after classes. Perhaps for dinner?_

 

**Received:**

**(Le)Oreo** _ Dinner is good with me :D _

**Sent:**

_ Sure, that's fine. _

 

**Received:**

**Pika(chu)** _Dinner it is then. See you guys soon._

 

**Sent:**

_ Bye take care of yourselves xP _

  
  


    "We're meeting them for dinner," Killua told Gon, checking the time before slipping his phone away into his pocket. "What do you wanna do until then?" 

 

    "Get lunch and then go visit the animal shelter?" He suggested, back straightening when he sat up. Killua smiled, nodding and held out a hand for Gon to take.

 

    "Yeah, sure." 

  
  


  * °•



  
  


    Kurapika looked around, glancing in one of the restaurant's windows.  _ I must be early. _ It was almost six, and since he was done early, he decided that getting here now was a better idea than showing up late.

 

    He flinched when an arm wrapped around his shoulders, holding against every nerve not to swing at them as soon as he felt a peck being pressed against his hair.

 

    "Hello to you too, Leorio." Kurapika craned his head, meeting the dark hues that were squinted in a grin. "I've told you before not to sneak up on me.

 

    Leorio smirked, "you haven't swung at me ever since though!" Was the cheeky response, then he looked around before asking; "Are we early?" 

 

    "It seems so," the blonde replied. "Did either of them mention the reason for a sudden arrangement?" 

 

    Leorio frowned slightly, though it turned back to a smile. "No, maybe it's a surprise?" 

 

    Kurapika shifted in his spot, "a good one I hope." Though the words had settled badly with his hunch... but he could be wrong.

 

    "Of course!" 

 

    " _ Leorio _ !  _ Kurapika _ !" Both lit up, turning to the jogging figures approaching. Gon was waving wilding with each step, Killua not far behind. 

 

    Kurapika smiled a little wider, "hello Gon, Killua." Though he paused when he saw a distant look in Killua's eyes. Something he soon picked up that also stirred deep within Gon's as well. They were both surprised when they were each offered a flower by Killua, yet neither of the two younger teens cared to explain for the moment. The words, "we'll explain later," hung in the air.

 

    The initial greeting led to them entering the restaurant and grabbing a booth farther to the back per Killua's request. Leorio and Kurapika on one side, Killua and Gon sitting on the other. 

 

    There were little things through the meal that Kurapika found himself noticing upon his own observations. Gon shifted his weight almost every two minutes, eventually until his side was pressed against Killua's. Killua would avert his eyes or look outside. 

 

    Kurapika was sure even Leorio picked up on their fidgety behaviour, as he was squinting at them suspiciously.

 

    By the time they ordered dessert, Leorio called them out on it before Kurapika could.

 

    "What's with you two?" 

 

    Killua's expression changed in an instant, back to an annoyed look that he usually sent Leorio's way. "What do you mean, old man?"

 

    Kurapika sighed, "why do you two seem like you're going to jump out of your own skins?" 

 

    Killua fell silent. Gon took his hand into his own under the table.

 

    "Yeah," Leorio said, referring to Kurapika's words, "that." He leaned back into the booth seat, a frown on his lips.

 

    "Sorry." Gon immediately said. "I wasn't sure when Killua wanted to say something." The blonde rose a brow, looking to the white-haired teen in question. Killua sent a hardened look at Gon though cleared his throat. 

 

    "Now I guess…" He mutters with enough volume to be heard. "My timer is runnin' out." 

 

    None of them winced when Leorio shouted loudly with his hands slamming down onto the table, " _ WHAT _ ?!" Kurapika pinched his elbow when heads from other tables turned to either glare or look at them curiously. 

 

    Kurapika's own stomach sank at the news too. However, he kept himself in check to make sure Leorio doesn't overdo it. 

 

    Leorio sits back, arms crossed with a frown on his face. "This wasn't the kind of surprise I was expecting."

 

    "You don't say," Killua mumbles, glaring at his outburst. " 's not something you'd just announce after all." His head lowers. "Two days."

    Kurapika thumbs at the watch on his wrist. "I see…" He says, almost unable to reply at all. He wished his hunch wasn't right, the thought got him gritting his teeth. "I'm glad you told us though." 

 

    They all sat a little straighter when the waiter came with their orders. But when she left and the desserts sat in front of them, none wanted to move with the truth hanging in the air. 

 

    It was Killua who sighed and began to dig into the molten lava cake first. "Well," he starts after swallowing a bite, "you guys deserve to know." 

 

    Kurapika gives a small smile, grey eyes looking to Gon. Assessing his expression, he saw how the smiles on his face never quite felt genuine. 

 

_ He's taking it harder than most of us.  _ Kurapika thought. "We appreciate it, I wish you had told us sooner though. We would've wanted to at least spend more time together." 

 

    "You can come sleep over?" Gon suddenly suggests. "We can play video games or watch movies. Just for tonight!" 

 

    "Would your aunt and grandmother be okay with that?" Kurapika asks, taken aback slightly by Gon's sudden eagerness.

 

    "As long as we don't make any big messes and try to stay quiet!" 

 

    Killua elbows Gon, "I haven't told Mito nor your grandma about my predicament." 

 

    "Ah right…" Gon deflates but didn't stop himself from stealing off Killua's plate. 

 

    "I suppose we can use my apartment." Kurapika offers, "I don't mind as long as you guys get permission to stay the night." The blonde rarely had anyone else over, but he knew this was an exception for such an occasion.

 

    "Really?" Gon asked, head snapping to Kurapika's direction. Even Leorio was giving him a raised brow.

 

    "Yes, really." His posture relaxed slowly, "but we keep the mess to a minimum." The mood seemed to elevate after that, Gon's laughed joined into Kurapika's chuckles. Killua even seemed very content with the idea.

 

    After a little persuasion for Mito to let Gon stay over, the two younger teens went with Kurapika and Leorio to the former's apartment. Video game console and movies in tow. 

 

    The groups night was filled with laughter, enjoyment, and a forced down the growing grief for the future days ahead.


	5. Family Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mito figured as much, and if she remembered correctly, Gon had also told her a list of Killua's favourite foods...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me finally updating, thanks to everyone for everything that has to do with comments, reads, and kudos'

    Mito glanced up from the glass of water in her hand at the sound of the front door squeaking. Half-lidded eyes glanced at the time. The ticking hands pointing to 2:19 am. She caught a brief blur of dark blue and green before footsteps padded up to the stairs, the hushed whispers reached her in incoherent breaths.

 

    She faintly smiled, a sigh leaving her lips and she drank the rest of the water. Placing the glass down in the sink before making her way back to her bedroom.

 

    Perhaps she should confront them about it, eventually. She was well aware they both missed classes today, wanting to call Gon about it as soon as the news reached her from the school's office. But she decided against it in the end, allowing Gon to stay late at Kurapika's apartment. Having the feeling that the time spent between them was occurring for a reason. Killua stayed their often, but she'd notice how much contact Gon ensued between them. Maybe more-so than she used to notice before. 

 

    She knew Gon still had time. While he wouldn't want to make her worry, probably try to selfishly hide the timer, he's not one to purposely hide it until it gets to that point. If what she guessed was correct, she wasn't sure if Gon would be the same after losing someone like Killua.

 

    Soon enough the thoughts faded, and Mito had fallen back to a dreamless sleep.

  
  


•°•

  
  


    The two woke up late that day, nearing noon as the sunlight already streamed in through the cracks of the curtains. Gon was the first to stir from his slumber, trying to sit up to get a glimpse of the time until he realized Killua had his arms firmly around Gon’s midsection. 

 

    For a moment, Gon laid there just to watch Killua, who was laying on the outer end of the bed, his body facing Gon. So he could get a good look of the peaceful expression Killua held, treading his fingers through fluffy white strands. Through the night his hair looked messier than ever, though it wasn’t like brushing it would make it better. 

 

    A blue eye cracked open, blinking away sleep before giving Gon a suspicious look. “What were you doing?” 

 

    “Just… um...”

 

    “Staring?  _ Again _ ?” He asked, and Gon nodded. Mostly because he already knew Killua expected as much. There was something that flickered through his blue hues for a moment but was gone with his next blink.

 

    “You’re just really pretty when you sleep.” Killua groaned at the compliment, arms retracting before he rolled onto his stomach. Firmly planting his face into the pillows, but did nothing to shield the very red-looking ears that poked out from his head of hair. Gon heard some muffled words along the lines of;  _ “who says stuff like that?” _

 

    So Gon just grins, blowing a raspberry on the lobe, “I do of course!” Earning a noise of surprise and his boyfriend nearly jumping off the bed. 

 

    “ _ I hate when you do that- _ \- you know that-” His eyes narrowed in a glare, face still red. 

 

    Gon doesn't respond, just smiles wordlessly and checks the clock. Eyes widening when he read '11:48' am. He rolled to the edge, swinging his leg to get up before faceplanting into the ground, his foot tangled with the blanket. He looked up to Killua with a pout, the one standing of the two had thrown his head back, a hand over his mouth to stifle his laugh. 

 

    “ _ Killuaaa-- _ don’t laugh, that hurt..” It really didn’t but he could see pale pink lips smile regardless, knowing well enough Gon was fine. He walked over, yanking the blankets hard enough that the knot came loose and Gon’s other leg joined him on the ground with a light thud.

 

    “There, you’re free.” Killua merely stared when Gon reached out his arms up to him. His gaze lasted a good five seconds before he naturally caved in by Gon’s hopeful gaze and small pout. “Unnecessary.” He mutters as he pulls Gon up to his feet.

 

    With a smug glint in his eye, Gon presses a quick peck to his cheek. " _ Thank you _ ," he told him in a sing-song tone. 

 

    "U-unnecessary…" Killua repeated under his breath, but his smile hadn't quite faltered. "Come on, I'm sure Mito-san wouldn't want to think we're wasting the day away in bed."

 

    "I don't mind being in bed all day if it's with you." Gon points out like it's a well-known fact. In which, to Gon, it just may as well be. Alas, Killua's blush never seems to reside. And if Gon tried hard enough, he could probably make the reddish tint on the pale skin permanent.

 

_ Not like I'm gonna give him ideas,  _ Killua grumbled mentally. Turning on his heel and marching to the door, he sent a look to Gon. His look reading; 'better hurry up' before he was gone and the door shut with a click. 

 

    Gon stared at the empty spot where Killua had once stood, quick to get himself ready. Making the bed before exiting in haste. 

 

    Mito-san was sitting on the couch, a book in her lap and a small smile on her face as she read. He soon figured his grandmother was upstairs or in the kitchen when she was nowhere to be seen. Mito's eyes lifted when Gon reached the bottom of the steps, gleaming. "Good morning," she said, but glanced at the clock and basically corrected herself, "or nearly afternoon."

 

    Gon scratched the back of his neck, "good morning, Mito-san. Is Killua in the kitchen?"

 

    A breath left her, and Gon wasn't quite sure if it was of exasperation or not. But she smiled and replied with a tone of mischief; "in the kitchen, I figured you two would want time to sleep since you came back so late." 

 

    His eyes widened, "a-ah sorry Mito-san." Her smile faltered to where it didn't quite meet her eyes. 

 

    "It's alright Gon, if you two are going outside again, make sure to be back for dinner, okay?" He nodded. Also making sure to keep the mental reminder noted since last time, a scolding from Mito-san wouldn't be ideal at any point in time. 

 

    "Took you long enough," Killua said aloud when he stepped through the archway. "There, food." He pointed to the plate across from his. Breakfast plated and ready. 

 

    "Thank you, Killua." 

 

    "Yeah, yeah," he dismissed with the roll of his eyes but Gon could spot the small smile on his face, "let's just hurry up and finish." 

  
•

 

    Mito waved goodbye to the two as they left the house hand-in-hand. While Gon was the one to lead their path, Killua's mind drifted back to the clouds. 

 

_ Tick, tick, tock… _

 

    Killua chewed at his lower lip, the sound nearly driving him to insanity. It was there ever since he had woke up, and with nothing to distract him, it was basically the only sound that filled his thoughts and drove his mind to the edge.

 

    Subconsciously, he gripped Gon's hand tighter. Only relaxing his hold a moment later when Gon leaned into his peripheral vision with a concerned smile.

 

    "Everything okay, Killua?" 

 

    Killua averted his eyes, "yeah." Even then, despite not wanting to from uncertainty, he spoke the lie. His voice was undeniably shaky.

 

    "Killua…" Gon's brows knitted together as his lips turned to a small frown. Stopping them in their tracks, he stepped in front of the white-haired male. Taking both his pale hands, Gon held them up to where they'd brush against tanned cheeks.  

 

    " _ Fine _ , not really…" He confessed, "there's a…  _ ticking _ ." 

 

    "Ticking?" Gon’s lips pursed, “like- having a clock against your ear all the time?” 

 

    “Pretty much," Killua sighed, "can we keep going now?" He wanted desperately to move away from the subject. The ticking was bad, at least to him anyway. He didn't like the continuous mental reminder that he'd be gone. That his timer was telling him that he was almost out of time.

 

    Gon's frown deepened, but he grudgingly agreed regardless, "okay." Though now, Gon hadn't stopped the conversation. Even if Killua's responses were rather shorter than his, the pale teen was grateful for the distraction. Swinging their hands in between them, Gon piped up the suggestion.

 

    "A movie?" Killua looked to him with the slight tilt of his head. 

 

    "Yeah, there's one movie I think you'd end up liking." Gon commented, his pace quickening making Killua's steps increase as well. "Come on, I think it's going to be playing soon!" 

 

    "W-wh-  _ Gon _ !" Killua squawked when Gon's grip tugged at his arm when the other started running. "You  _ think _ or you  _ know _ ?!"

 

    "Little bit of both!" Gon called back and Killua could catch a flash of the grin on his face.

 

_ Of course a little bit of both, _ Killua suppresses a snort and picks up his own pace. They dodged other passersby. Laughing all the way there.

  
  


•°•

  
  


    " _ Wow _ ," Killua finally said as they stepped out of the theatre. "Not what I was expecting, that was pretty good. They got the CGI stuff on point." He says, dropping his empty cup into the recycling bin. The clockwork that sounded through his head had become white noise that was soon tuned out throughout the movie.

 

    "I really like it too! Wasn't really expecting that twist though…" 

 

    Killua raises a brow, "I expected something like that from a  _ mile _ away. Maybe if you weren't staring at me eighty percent of the time then you'd pick up on those subtle hints." The playful jab was sent with a knowing smirk on Killua's face. 

 

    "You noticed?" 

 

    He actually snorts this time, " 'course,  _ you _ are not very subtle with it." Slipping their arms together, Gon brings Killua to his side with a light pull. Pressing a kiss to his cheek. He watches the light shade of pink dawn the pale skin. 

 

    "I don't really try to be, do I?" The question was answered with the shake of Killua's head as they continued to the exits.

 

    Killua paused, causing Gon to stop. "You're aunt." He mumbles, taking Gon's own phone from his pocket. 

 

    "Oh! She must want us back early then." He said checking the time before skimming over the short message she sent. Texting him that they should head home now for something special. He texts her a quick response before smiling back up to Killua. 

 

    "So we going?" Killua asked since he got a brief look at what Mito-San had told Gon. 

 

    "Yup! Do you need to use the bathroom or anything?"

 

    Killua tilts his head back as though he were actually pondering the thought. Then answered with a small amused smirk, "nah, I'm good. Let's go before we  _ both _ get scolded for getting there late."

 

    "Once you enter a scolding from Mito-san you can't escape." They shared a snicker, leaving the movie theatre hand in hand. Much like on the way there, Gon kept up a conversation to keep Killua's mind distracted. Pointing out brief details of things they walked past, things Killua probably won’t remember all that much an hour or so later. But it was a distraction regardless.

 

    Mito had called out to them from the kitchen as soon as they entered. "Sit down at the table after you both clean up!" 

 

    She glanced out the doorway, hearing them laugh as they both race to the bathroom. Placing down the final platter on the table, she stepped back to admire the feast. Putting a lot more effort for tonight's dinner was worth enough for the occasion. 

 

    She looked up when Gon was chased by Killua into the room. The former skidded to a stop, causing the latter to bump into his back. 

 

    A chuckle left Mito at the sight of their wide eyes. "Take a seat, I'm going to go call your grandmother." She said, and they took the invitation and sat together at one side as she left the room. 

 

    "Woah, I haven't seen your aunt make this much since your birthday," Killua commented first, eyes targeting each dish. Gon nodded, taking in as much as Killua was of their meal. 

 

    The oven beeps from the kitchen.

 

    Then it hit him.

 

    Gon's excited shoulders falter, falling back against the backrest of the chair. He has a double-take of each dish on the table. 

 

    These are all of  _ Killua's _ favourite foods. 

 

    The smell of chocolate hits Gon's nose and he already knows why Mito-san did this. 

 

_ She knows, _ his fingers subconsciously drift to the empty hand to his right. Killua takes his hand without hesitation. It's  _ natural _ , it feels right. And Gon will never have that same feeling again. The thought strikes him hard. No one can just  _ replace _ Killua. No matter how long he's given to heal.

 

    "Gon?"

 

    His mind snaps back to reality. Amber browns travel to Killua's face, flashes of worry.  _ Why are you worried?  _

 

    "I'm okay." He ends up saying, but they both know it's a lie. He doesn't realize his grip had tightened so hard until Killua places his other hand atop of his knuckles. 

 

    "Focus on the present, just for now, okay?" Killua asks. His voice quiet. 

 

    "Okay." Gon agrees, letting Killua shut his eyes with the brief brushes of his fingers.  _ 'Just breathe' _ went unspoken, but Gon did. Calming himself enough when Mito-san and Abe walked into the room. 

 

    Mito-san looks at him, and it’s clear to Gon that there’s a specific gleam in her eyes, the ‘I want to talk about something but not just yet’ kind of look. So he sits upright, waiting until it’s time for them to pray and begin eating.

  
  


•°•

  
  


    Abe had excused herself to her room as soon as she had finished her small slice of chocolate cake. Ruffling both Gon and Killua’s hair before leaving with light footsteps. 

 

    Mito-san had asked them to both sit as she cleaned up, and the air was filled with that akin to anticipation and nervousness. Gon didn’t welcome either of them. 

 

    When she returned, she pulled out the chair across from them. Sitting down after she wiped her hands at the handcloth before placing it down on the table to her left. There were five seconds of silence (yes, he did, in fact, keep count) before she cleared her throat. 

 

    “I’m going to be straightforward with you both okay?” She starts, and Gon can see Killua visibly swallow from the corner of his eye. “How long is left, Killua?”

 

    “Till tomorrow night,” he probably didn’t expect his voice to be at that volume, because his next sentence was far quieter; “then that’s it.” He meets her eye with a small, saddened smile. “But I really appreciate everything, I should’ve noticed the theme around dinner.” He fiddles with his fingers for a moment, and Gon watches the emotions on his face change at each moment. 

 

    Mito-san sighs, it’s sad, almost empty, “you don’t really want to accept it, do you?” 

 

    “No.” Killua answers, “not now, not ever really...” He confesses, eyes averting down to the wooden table. His foot hooks around Gon’s ankle, and Gon inches his chair a little closer. Enough to notice the faint body heat from his best friend and boyfriend. 

 

    Mito-san watches the exchange. Her frown deepening a little. “If I could fight the gods above myself, I would.” 

 

    Killua looks up, cracking a smile before laughing. It’s almost dry, wrung of amusement, but it’s not quite all absent. “Alluka said that too, I wouldn’t doubt either of you on it.” Mito-san smiles at that too, Gon can’t find himself too. 

 

_ I’d fight all of them too _ , he wants to scream, he’d scream at the gods too. Because it’s not  _ fair _ , it’s not fair to him. He doesn’t want Killua dragged away from him. But he can’t stop it.

 

    “I’m sorry, Killua… Gon.” She says next after a silence settled between them. “I really wish they’d listen. That there was another way.” 

 

    “ _ Don’t we all _ .” He mutters, almost apologizing for such a bitter tone. But Mito-san knows him. And she knows him well to give him such an understanding look that immediately shut down his apology. 

 

    “You can both have the rest of the cake for snack tomorrow, alright?” She smiles a little bit more that time. “Now head to your room, get some sleep.” She pauses, “but if you decide to stay up then I don’t want to hear you cause a ruckus, capiche?” 

 

    “Of course Mito-san,” Gon gets up, they all do. And to his surprise, Killua’s the first to bring Mito-san into a hug. His face hidden in her shoulder, he can hear Killua thank her for everything. So she returns the hug, looking to Gon and extends an arm out to accept him into one too. 

 

    The boy’s lower lip quivers, and he bites into it as he rushes to join the hug too. Finally, a small laugh leaves him. And it’s enough for him to feel much better as he accepts a kiss to the forehead and the boys continue upstairs with the desire to be tangled in limbs and blankets the for rest of the night.


	6. Waking Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time doesn't stop for anyone, no matter how much they wish it did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh ho ho, here come the waterworks :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) (It's almost 4am I'm high as FUCK on no-sleep)

    Killua's eyes were shut, he kept them closed tightly. A thread of thought, a wish, that if he never woke up, he wouldn't have to deal with the inevitable. But the ticking clock in his head was louder now. He felt gentle fingers run through his hair, untangling strands while at the same time scratching softly at his scalp and he focused fully onto that sensation.

 

    If he were a cat, he’d certainly be purring loudly at this point. Instead, a low pleased hum left him. Earning a quiet giggle from Gon, and Killua could feel the vibration from where he laid his head. 

 

    "I don't wanna get up yet." Gon mumbles, hand briefly stopping and resting his hand in puffs of white hair. 

 

    "Then we don't," Killua replies just as quietly, propping his head up and resting his chin on Gon's chest. Amber hues flickered down to meet Killua's, a tiny smile growing on his face. 

 

    "I'm scared," Gon confessed, the smile still present on his face while his brows knitted together. His eyes shone with conflict, and the other arm he had around Killua's waist tightened. 

 

    "...I am too." He lips press into a line, twisting slowly into a frown. Unable to come up with something to say, he stays silent until Gon was able to say something else instead.

 

    “Don’t say sorry or anything, okay?” Gon says, his voice firm. “It’s not like it’s your fault.”

 

    Killua twists his head to lay on his side, curling to Gon’s side. He licks his dry lips before replying; “okay… I won’t. I promise.” His eyes look up to see Gon nod slowly, grateful. While the other was lost in thought, Killua shut his eyes, focusing on the faint sounds of birds singing from outside instead of the sound in his head.  _ He couldn’t apologize _ , and a part of him wished that part of it could be his fault just so he had something to reply with. Something that wasn’t a silence of conflict and anxiety. 

 

    Gon shifts, and so Killua stays like a ragdoll as the tanned male adjusts their position. Turning so that they were facing each other, his arm was still over Killua’s waist, pulling them together. 

 

    “Aunt Mito won’t mind or anything right?” Killua peeks open an eye, meeting the intense and observational gaze.

 

    “Not at all,” Gon smiles again, softer this time, “we could lie in bed all day and she wouldn’t mind.” He says, and it was obvious anyway, Killua hadn’t needed to ask in the first place when he knew full well. He just wanted to say something,  _ anything _ . But it was quite hard when your life is going to end in less than twenty-four hours. 

 

    “We should go outside, race to the forest and stuff-- like we used to when I first moved here,” Killua mumbled out the suggestion, reminiscing about their first few times together, talking, adventuring. Killua was never quite the nature child, being around (and with Gon) changed a lot of that. Especially when he managed to get more free time out of his family and school. “As much as I’d like to stay here all day with you, I can’t stand the constant ticking in my ears.” Killua’s tone held humour, but the words just reminded them both of the inevitable. 

 

    Regardless, Gon smiled widely, already liking the idea as he pushed himself up with a vigorous nod. Leaving Killua’s head to slide into the dent on the bed where Gon just was, earning a stifled giggle from the dark-haired boy. "Let's go eat something along the way? Anything you want." 

 

    Killua pretends to ponder on it, but when Gon pouts at his long silence. He grins and replying with a sheepish glint in his eye. 

 

    "So… you know that one cafe?" 

  
  


 

•°•

  
  


 

    An hour or so later, they found themselves in the same state they had five days ago. Gon’s head rested on the skin of Killua’s abdomen, the pale teen laying back against blades of grass. Maybe it was just the reality of the situation that Killua allowed Gon to have his shirt pushed up and the waistband of his pants low on his hips. Enough for him to soak in enough contact. 

 

    Killua’s eyes glanced down briefly, it was enough to notice the barely noticeable tremble in Gon’s lower lip as he traced his finger over the always-changing timer on his stomach. His eyes turned to the sky, fluttering shut seconds later.

 

    Less than eight hours remained, and neither knew what to do with it. 

 

    There were undecided words on the tip of his tongue. He didn’t like seeing the distant look on Gon’s face. Detested seeing such lost emotions really. It hurt more or less. But reality didn’t exactly make it easy to comfort him.

 

    He moved his hand, placing it over Gon’s much warmer one. “Tell me something.” He finally asks for, not bothering to open his eyes to look at him. 

 

    “Tell you what?” 

 

    “Anything, anything at all.” He murmurs, squeezing his hand. He can imagine the look of his knitted brows, concentration gleaming in his eyes. Gon would purse his lips before having something come to mind and lighting up immediately. 

 

    Not even a beat later Gon shifted and began to go on about a moment from when he was younger. Killua hadn’t even realized he was drifting off to the story until he fell asleep to the sound of Gon’s voice, the gentle wind and rustling trees. He didn’t acknowledge the ticks that had grown a little louder since he last noticed them. 

 

    Gon stopped soon after Killua’s grip on his hand loosened considerably. Pressing his lips into a line, he propped himself on his elbows and looked up to the sleeping teen. Brushing away his bangs, admiring him quietly. Lowering his head and turning onto his cheek, he rested on top of his lower stomach. Stifling as quietly as he can, he fell into rhythm with the up and down of Killua’s chest as he tried not to start crying. _ I don’t want him to die, I don’t want him to die… Killua…please, don’t leave me…  _  Panic set into his mind and he pressed a hand to his mouth, choking back a sob. 

 

    The thoughts in his mind continued to race, like a drum next to his ear he shut his eyes tight. Trying to follow the steady breathing from the body under him. He knew Killua would be awake by now. But the white-haired male wasn’t aware that he was sleeping restlessly unlike Gon was. The tanned teen had been kicked a few times when the other twisted and turned, he had a pained expression before settling back down. He probably didn’t sleep as well as he thought. 

 

    Gon sat up, scooting back. Teary filled eyes looked over to the sleeping form, and just as if Killua felt Gon move away, he turned to his side, arm outstretched in his direction before being brought back to Killua’s chest. Gon curled into himself, wrapping his arms around his knees, he buried his head away. 

 

    Terrified. He was terrified. 

 

    He was terrified for Killua, for himself. Not even considering anyone else. He just didn’t want to be without  _ Killua _ .

 

    He didn’t move from his position for a long time. Only until he himself heard the faint sounds of a clock, is when he finally unravelled himself from his ball. Killua barely moved, but his arm was stretched out again. Closer this time, hand open, inviting. So, crawling over, Gon took his hand gently, wiping his tear-streaked face with his own knuckles before laying next to him. Gazing at the sky, he felt empty. Dried out from crying, and just as exhausted. 

 

_ The sun would probably set in two hours or so…  _ He thought to himself, watching a bird fly by. He closed his eyes and rolled a little closer to his boyfriend, his best friend. 

 

    And then he was asleep.

  
  


 

•°•

  
  


 

    He made a mistake.

 

    He made a big mistake.

 

    Waking up, he was snuggled close to Killua’s chest, his face was hidden into the pale neck. Nose occasionally tickled by white fluffs of hair. Killua’s arms were holding him tightly like he was being shielded away. 

 

    And he was.

 

    He sat up, yawning and stretching. When he cracked his eyes open, the lack of sunlight or birds chirping was the first note he jotted into the back of his mind. The next was a nightly chill, the wind was colder. 

 

    But there was no noise. Nothing. Not the ticking that he had heard before falling asleep, not the steady ins and outs of breathing that weren’t his own--

 

    His breath hitched, eyes widening. He didn’t want to turn, he didn’t- 

 

    “Ki- _ Killua.. _ ?” Gon croaked, voice dry. Nearly cracking. He didn’t even get to brace himself before he turned to look over to the other. 

 

    He looked fine- Gon’s mind supplied, a shaky laugh leaving him. “Killua-- we should wake up now… Mito-san is probably waiting with dinner!” He placed a hand on the pale shoulder, shaking it gently. No response-

 

    Was Killua always this cold? 

 

    “K-Killua…” He nearly choked on the gasp and sob that left his throat. “Killua!” 

 

    He made a mistake-- he… he shouldn’t have fallen asleep! He-- 

 

    “ _ Killua _ !” He didn’t care that he was shouting, he was shaking the unconscious body up, but like a ragdoll, Killua’s head lolled to the side without words.

 

    He wasn’t unconscious- Killua wasn’t  _ unconscious _ . 

 

    Gon didn’t think before he shoved the lower hem of Killua’s shirt up, he could only hear the loud heartbeat in his ear and the feeling of his stomach sinking into the void as the numbers on the tattoo only displayed zero. 

 

_     Zeros, with a loud, red taunting font.  _

 

    Despite exhausting himself from crying hours ago, waterworks streamed from his eyes as he cradled Killua’s lifeless body to his chest. 

 

_     I made a mistake-- I- I could’ve been here, awake, before he died.  _

 

    Gon couldn’t move. He refused to move away and  _ stop _ holding Killua close. “ _ Fuck _ _!_ ” He cried out, _alone_. 

  
_ He was alone. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna lie, it's almost 4 am when I wrote two-thirds of the end, hope you enjoy. I certainly did (not D':)


	7. Walking In Void

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alas a final

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, it's ya boi, unreliable update schedule here- 
> 
> So anyway, please enjoy (hopefully--)

     He walks back home with the heavy lifeless body and an even heavier feeling in his heart. 

 

     Mito-san is waiting for him at the door. Face stricken with worry, and it's relief as soon as she sees him. Then horror when she sees Killua, in his arms and unmoving. Her steps are hurried as she approaches, a hand pressed to her mouth to stop any noise from escaping. She sees his puffy red eyes, nose sniffling quietly and her shoulders fall. Arms wrapping around both him and Killua. 

 

     "He-he's  _ gone _ now, Mito-San." He hiccups, clenching his teeth. Shushing him softly, she runs a hand through his messy hair comfortingly. 

 

     "Come inside, it's getting colder. We'll call and take care of Killua after you're warmed up okay?" She says, tone gentle. Gon isn't sure how she can speak so steadily. But he nods regardless, tired, and as she said, cold.

 

     She runs her knuckles down his temple and the side of his face. Eyes gazing with worry, sympathy. Gon looks away, then looks back down. He notes how delicate Killua's peaceful expression looked. He bites his lip to stop from crying again. 

 

     He follows Mito-san inside, laying Killua down on the longer couch before sitting down on the ground next to him. 

 

     He remembers curling up, the feeling of a blanket being draped over him before he is carried into a much softer seat. Too tired to protest, he accepts sleep like a warm embrace. 

  
  


•°•

  
  


     Cold sweeps around him, tickling at him. He swatted at the itching hairs that neared his face. 

 

     Killua sat up, confused, his body felt heavy. When he opened his eyes, he found beady black ones staring back, tall ears twitching. The rabbit on his lap started a second longer before jumping away. Footsteps leaving a glowing print that would fade a second later. 

 

     When it was a meter away, it stopped. But when Killua moved his attention to his surroundings, it dawned on him that there was  _ nothing _ . Like a void or endless shadows that cast themselves around him to a point where nothing else could be seen.

 

     Well except  _ him _ … and that rabbit. 

 

     Killua realized that the creature was still unmoving, staring at him again. 

 

     "You want something?" Someone -- no he -- asked it.  _ Hah, like it'd answer me, being here is crazy enough. Maybe I should ask where I am. _ He mused.

 

     It didn't answer, but it did move back to him. Stopping at Killua's bare feet with droopy ears, it tapped a paw on his foot before hopping back. Reluctant and still confused, Killua stepped towards it.

 

     Like it was pleased, it's ears raised before continuing to lead him further from where he awoke. And much to the rational part of Killua's brain, he continued to follow the strange glowing animal.

 

     His lips pursed when they approached some sort of door, intricate carvings painted golden upon redwood. He paused when the rabbit stopped right in front of it, causing him to take a pause before looking at the door -- then rabbit -- for confirmation. The strange animal only watched him, blinking at him before licking its paw. “Wow, well thanks anyway,” Killua said, turning to the door. With a deep breath, he pushed open the door, yelping when the rabbit dashed through between his legs. 

 

     “Ah, Missy!” A voice sang, “welcome back!” The shrouded figure held out two gloved hands. To which the rabbit jumped to before disappearing with glowing sparks within the person’s chest. “My guiding sweet, you brought a potential soul!” They continued, hugging their arms to their chest as though the rabbit were still there.

 

     Killua watched quietly and confused, waiting to be acknowledged so he could understand exactly  _ what _ was happening. He cleared his throat, raising a brow and spoke; “uh- excuse me?” 

 

     They faced him, their hood covering the majority of their face so he could only see a pale grey mouth and chin. “Ah, Killua Zolyck, it’s a pleasure.” They spoke, mouth curling into what Killua could only describe as a mischievous smile. Nevertheless, the pale teen was taken aback. 

 

     “You know who I am.” By his tone, it was more a statement than a question. Earning a nod, the strange… person waved their hand dismissively. 

 

     “It’s a must in this job. File reading and what not before I can ultimately decide on recruitment.” They paused, looking to Killua when the boy merely stared on in confusion. “Right, I suppose confusion is a reasonable response. Refer to me as the Head Organizer, organizer and guide of passed souls that is. You are in my… controlled area of the realm currently. The void right now, this is where souls usually end up first after dying.” 

 

     “So I’m confirmed as dead..?” Killua rose a brow. 

 

     “In the world of the living, the overworld, and so on.” They list off, confirming his question. 

 

     One part of him wants to laugh, another is a little less confused than before. So Killua takes the more sarcastic route, snorting and then asking; “then how old are you?” The question was probably because they looked like a corpse than a living person. (But he guesses they aren’t actually alive like he was, maybe they’re not even human at all.)

 

     “Oh, I’m over thousands of years old, been doing this my whole life.” They answer seriously despite Killua’s sarcastic and joking tone. Skipping the current topic, they then spoke, “I’ve guided you here for a reason.” They turned away slightly, almost looking like they were in thought for what to say next. So Killua did.

 

     “Is this basically making a deal with the devil kind of business?” No, he wasn’t trying to humour himself out of the situation, but it did help his nervousness simmer down. “I’ve been on that topic once before, was told not to accept.”

 

     “I can sense your tension,” they replied instead, “ _ relax _ .” They smiled slowly, comfortingly, and extended out their arms. Much like it had disappeared, a glowing rabbit leapt out of their chest. Hopping over to Killua’s feet and placing two soft looking paws upon the front of his shoes. A comforting gesture if he had to guess. And it helped, even if it was only a little. “I will be brief, we are seeking more guides due to an unfortunate incident involving two of our own. It is a must due to the orders from my master, and the other gods. You’re file and soul piqued my interest.” They explained.

 

     “The other gods?” Killua’s brows knitted together in an instant, “I thought they abandoned humans.” 

 

     “Due to a majority of ill souls pulling the race of humans down like a boulder, they came to the agreement you would know now.” A sigh left their lips, “which is why we pick carefully, with a little push of course. A person who is willing to take on this role with or without the extra deal.” 

 

     “Makes enough sense I guess.” Killua mumbles, crouching down and holding a hand out for the strange spirit bunny to sniff. Reminding him of when Gon dragged him out once to look at a colony of the fluffy creatures. “What’s the extra deal supposed to be?” 

 

     “That will depend, sometimes a meeting, other times a visit to a place they want to go before they died.” He felt their eyes as he stroked the back of the rabbit, scratching lightly behind the tall ears. “In your case, it’d be the former. If you agree, I will allow you to meet with your companion for a period of time after has passed himself.” 

 

     Killua’s breath hitched for a second, eyes never leaving the rabbit, he inhaled slowly. “Are you planning on offering him this too? The job thing.” He asked after a pregnant pause.

 

     “Perhaps.” 

 

     “What else do I get out of this?”

 

     “A spirit guide, an animal that takes the shape best fitting to your soul… You have no need to worry over those human necessities.” When they stopped, Killua glanced at them to see a small frown on their features. “To be honest, it is probably a different experience from living in the overworld, but it is a long one. You would sign under the agreement of a thousand years before you are given the choice to leave or continue, by leaving your soul would be brought to where it’d originally have gone if you did not agree. It can be lonely --  _ hellish _ \-- if you cannot adapt to it.” 

 

     Killua didn’t look back up, did speak, nor ask any questions. They continued; “my subordinates are a small team, they can show you the ropes of this. But I assure you this, you have no need to accept. If you do not I will bring you to your planned destination for your soul to rest.” It was a heavy load, but Killua was used to taking loads of information in.

 

     So he took a deep breath, inhaling and exhaling, he appreciated the following silence and took the chance to weigh his options. Though, it’s not as though he had much to lose. The Head Organizer was very patient, hovering down into a cross-legged sit as they waited for him. The rabbit was watching him too, eyes supportive, if that were possible. Alluka once told him a rabbit can represent a gentle and caring nature while still being observant and alert. Perhaps that is why his feelings were mixed by anxiousness and comfortability. 

 

     Eventually, and ultimately, he chose. 

 

     “I’ll do it.” He spoke quietly.

 

     They responded with something he wasn’t quite expecting; bowing with the words, “thank you.” They rose, showing a simple and welcoming smile. “Please, repeat after me if you are certain.” Killua swallowed the lump in his throat and waited. “I, Killua Zoldyck, give my word and soul into working as a soul guide and organizer to ever passed human I am assigned to.”

 

     And he repeated.

 

     “Bounding my loyalty to the orders of the beings above, I accept the agreement.” 

 

     He absorbed and parroted each word. 

 

     Then, with those words, a marble room materialized around them hanging like chandeliers from above were glowing crystals. They stood, nodding before approaching him. With two hands outstretched a pile of clothes and an amulet materialized in them. “These are your things, the pendant will help draw out your spirit guides. Since you still need to control them, this amulet will only allow you to summon three at a time.” 

 

     “Thanks…” Killua accepted the items, with furrowed brows. “And… is there a maximum amount of animals that one can summon?” 

 

     “Not that was recorded,” they replied, turning away to a tall shelf mounted on the wall, “depends on how strong your soul is, I am able to summon over three hundred at a time, but my rabbits cannot cover all the souls that come through. Which is why we have very few on our… guider’s team. People are not so willing to work with the gods they feel betrayed by, no matter how strong their desire can be. It’s rare at this point.” 

 

     “And that’s why you have to choose people carefully,” Killua adds what they left unsaid, the frown on his face ever-so-apparent. 

 

     “Correct, but as the years pass by, only recently had we needed newer… recruits. Two members had been corrupted. So we had to be rid of them.” 

 

     “Corrupted- that’s not going to happen again right?” 

 

     They chuckled, “my subordinates of organizers keep human attributes. We -- and many gods and beings -- are not mindless. Humans can be very similar to us. We can go insane just like humans can, however, we are not so vulnerable to such things compared to human beings. It was an incident we will not allow happening again.” They replied, the last part too vague, it wasn’t enough for Killua to know what really happened. But for the meantime, he’d try to trust those words.

 

     “I’m allowed to rest after this right? You realize this is a lot, even for me.”

 

     “Yes, I am aware. Your minds can be quite delicate.” They say, bringing a hand to cover the smile on their lower face when they turn back to him. “I will show you the way to your quarters, any questions you have will be answered when you are ready.”

  
  
  


•°•

  
  


     Gon wakes up to familiar voices, speaking in a hushed manner. It takes a while before he can open his eyes. Which feel dry, as does his throat. But when he does, it’s the sight of both his aunt and Killua’s parents that seem to startle him enough to bring his mind to alert.

 

     “It is not my fault that Killua wanted to spend his last moments with Gon!” Mito hissed, her face showing irritation and stress as she spoke to Kikyo, Killua’s mother. Who was also cradling her dead son to her chest, a seemingly fixed glare was focused on the ginger woman. Silva, who stood beside Kikyo, was staring down at the peaceful look on Killua’s face. But his eyes showed that his mind was elsewhere. 

 

     “Killua should’ve been home with us! His own  _ family _ , not some boy.” She spoke with daggers, spitting her words at Mito. It only made Gon clench his fists, upset with the pale boy’s parents. 

 

     “That is his decision.” He spoke, tone low. Maybe threatening, but he wasn’t quite sure. Mito looked at him, surprised that he was awake. Kikyo turned, her glare not directed at him, but for some reason, he didn’t find himself shrinking back because of it. Even Silva’s eyes darted to the teen in acknowledgement for his words.

 

     “You! It’s your fault that--” Kikyo’s mouth shut immediately when Silva’s hand touched her shoulder. 

 

     “Was there anything my son wanted to mention to us?” He asked, despite the question, Gon could see he didn’t expect there to be any. 

 

     "No…"

 

     When Silva looks to Gon, they show understanding, and with another blink, the look in his eyes is gone. "I see, very well. We will take him back and deal with arrangements. I will have someone inform you of the funeral." 

 

     Gon can't find it in himself to resent Silva at that moment, but he can't help but feel confused by their lack of sadness.  _ They probably had a longer time to know and deal with it,  _ his thoughts guess. Then, "I…  _ thank you _ ." He finally said, barely over a whisper.

 

     Silva nods, gesturing for Kikyo to wait at the door. He takes Killua, thanking Mito in a low voice for the hospitality and the call. Then he went to Kikyo and they exited the house. 

 

     Mito stares after them when Gon hears the car engine grow fainter. Then she turns back to Gon, approaching and crouching in front of him. "Would you like some food?"

 

     He met her eyes before looking down. Patience, oh so much patience. "Yes, please."

 

     She gave him a soft smile before standing up and going to the kitchen. "Come get ready at the table." 

 

     Spirits a little more lifted, he did as told. Pushing away the bitterness and sadness that lingered to the back of his mind.

 

     He'll be okay, cause Killua wants him to be okay. He had support, not only from his friends and family but Killua’s family too. Alluka -- and even Kalluto -- who he knew wasn’t close to his brother but still cared for him as Alluka does -- was there. 

 

_  Despite this, for the remainder of the night, Gon wished he could’ve told Killua something before his timer reached zero. _

  
  
  


•°•

  
  
  


     Killua had soon learned that time felt far different than it used to. It was faster here. Maybe by mere seconds or full minutes. He wasn't certain. But it felt as though years passed, but it was slower than the world of the living. Probably because his appearance aged with how many human years he would’ve been. It was explained by the Head Organizer that it was a side note on the extra agreement he accepted, he’d age alongside Gon until Gon’s time ran out.

 

     He  _ was _ certain that becoming appointed into this came easy. Easy- _ ish _ . His spirit guide turned out to be a panther. A fast dangerous predator that -- when offered scratches behind the ear and a nice grooming -- acts more like a mere house cat.

 

     Still, they were immediately obedient towards him, unlike the stories of wilder spirits that needed to be tamed. His were lithe, quick, observant. But due to human souls still having a tact of instinct left in them, his spirits had to take the house cat form when performing their job.

 

     He handled this job easier than one ( _ mostly his other 'coworkers' _ ) expected. 

 

     The Head Organizer was not lying when they said it can become lonely. On the times Killua found himself on a break, his only sought company was that of his own spirit guides, fractions of himself. Most of the time he caught himself reminiscing on the past. His living world. The few close friends, his sister,  _ Gon _ . 

 

     He never forgot about the deal. It was lingering in his mind twenty-four seven. Something that was enough of a push other than the fact that joining was his choice anyway. 

 

     So, with time passing, as it always has. He kept up his end of the deal, doing his given work as he had sworn upon. Sometimes sneaking off to the Seers of the Living, one of the few people he grew close to, Rue, who grew to be like an aunt to him (even if he never had any, he guessed she was what it’d be like to have one.) Who soon allowed him to watch over Gon for a few minutes when there was a new month. He watched brief moments, always amused by how (no matter how much he wouldn’t admit it aloud) handsome of a person Gon had grown into. 

 

     Then eventually, one night where the pale young man (once a teen) snuck out from his room, out to the garden where he summoned a transport portal. Rue waited, expectingly as she usually would. However, instead of the usual warm smile that she gave him as a greeting, came a deep frown. One that caused him to feel uneasy. 

 

     “What happened?” He asked immediately. 

 

     “You must see for yourself,” she said, holding out her observing orb. Killua stepped closer, opening his mouth to speak but only found his words getting stuck in his throat. 

 

     It was Gon, sitting at the edge of a hospital bed next to a woman.  _ Mito-san _ . Whose face was graced with a gentle look, he watched as she held out a hand, which Gon took with both his own. Watching it was the most overwhelmed he had felt in a long time. He saw Gon’s eyes fill with tears, lower lip trembling. It sent a ripple of deja vu through his body like a shock wave. Desperation came next.  _ What happened? _ Was what kept flying through his mind. What he witnessed was only part of it.  _ She was dying _ . But what  _ else _ , there was obviously more. He didn’t need to go to a hospital, not many people would before their timer runs out. Unless something else was involved. 

 

     Rue met his eyes when he looked up at her, her expression mirrored his of sorrow. Aware of who Mito-san was. Of who Gon was to him. But like him, like all of them. They were not allowed to intervene in any way. 

 

     With the many times that Killua had spent with his own mind as his only company, he kept up the reminder; everyone dies. Every living being dies, it is unavoidable. Yet, when it came to those close to him or watching  _ Gon  _ having to witness his aunt -- _ his mother  _ \-- dying and unable to do anything. 

 

     Well, it stung, to say the least.

 

      And he watched... and watched. Gon falling easily attached to people, holding them close as friends when he finds them fitting enough. Killua had seen, at different moments. Like a photo album that catches photos between intervals. Almost like he was being shown each stage of sorrow. 

 

    The hardest since Mito-san; was his own sister. Now both of them at twenty-eight. Killua didn’t see the aftermath of her passing. He witnessed it too, alongside Rue, and with Gon. 

 

     A murder.

 

     His sister was  _ murdered _ , during a public robbery. 

 

     He was instantly reminded why the gods practically abandoned them all. He watched as the gun went off, his sister's eyes widening as she looked down to her bleeding chest. Gon, standing next to her with wide eyes that quickly fell into a rage. The assailant looked surprised though as if he didn’t mean to do that, even as Gon tackled him to the ground and clocked him in the face knocking the gun far away before rushing to Alluka’s side. 

 

     He probably didn’t, his mind supplied, but he didn’t care. If he didn’t mean to do something with that gun, he shouldn’t have waved it around and he shouldn’t have had it anyway.

 

     Other people watched on, some with heavy concern, calling the police while others stared in horror, some even recording. The latter of that list was another cause for Killua’s disgust in humans. More aware than ever how much a majority of humans could drag the rest down in the eyes of those above.

 

     Rue had stopped him when Gon was trying to stop the bleeding of her wound to the best of his ability. In reality, she had allowed him to watch a little while longer than usual. He was grateful for that but still terrified for his sister.

 

     In the end, Killua went to the Head Organizer to fetch Alluka’s file, much like he’d do with the many people he and Gon knew who ended up dying. They were understanding, always were, when he asked. Seeing as his actions never violated any rules he agreed upon.

  
  


•°•

  
  


     “Killua Zoldyck.” 

 

     The man turned, pushing soft white bangs out of his eyes, he turned around to look at the shrouded figure that stood out upon the darkened void around them. Humming as a sign of his gained attention, he pursed his lips when they flashed him a file. 

 

     “Whose?”

 

     “Come with me.” They said instead of answering, beckoning him to their side. He called the panther he was currently with back to him and followed them wordlessly. Into another place that looked like the one they just came from, only different.

 

     The soul that was brought between a pair of red doors Killua had seen only once before was somewhere between yellow and orange, glowing, warm, and most of all;

 

_ Familiar _ .

 

     “ _ Gon _ .” He whispered breathlessly, unlike when he was lead to the Head Organizer in a corporeal form, they had to give Gon’s soul a form themselves. Which they assured differed between each individual. Some souls would need a little coaxing to take a form while others did it anyway without a problem.

 

     Shut eyes had fluttered open, amber orbs seemed to widen like saucers. 

 

     Gon’s voice, deeper and lower than Killua remembered, shrieked and a large smile grew in a flash. “ _ KILLUA! _ ”

 

     Killua’s back hit the invisible ground, not even a thud could be heard to him over his own loud heartbeat. Arms wrapping around him as puffs of warm air tickled his neck. Even with his cloak, and a neutral temperature location, he shivered. “Gon!” His voice cried, his hood sliding off as he hugged the other back with just as much ferocity. “ _ Gon _ …!”

 

     Blue eyes looked to his superior who nodded before stepping back into a portal, showing them privacy.

 

     “K-Killua!” He looked to the head of dark spiky hair, feeling Gon trembling in his embrace. The tanned male was babbling out his name, arms squeezing him. Neither could believe it, but it was more shocking to Gon than it was to Killua. Who was able to comprehend everything that happened faster than Gon could wrap his own mind around the fact that he Killua was here.

 

_ He was hugging Killua _ .

 

     He knew it was Killua, even if it was a Killua who looked like he was still Gon’s age. Unlike the teen that Gon had been with. Only Killua could sound like that, who could say his name like that. It was Killua, dressed in a strange outfit standing next to a strange person when Gon opened his eyes. But his attention zoned only on the white-haired man he loved.  _ Who he still loved _ . His pupils blowing wide before he found himself tackling the other to the ground. 

 

     Oh, it was his scent. It was Killua’s scent. 

 

     Any possibility of this being fake was pushed away from his mind. All he could think about was Killua. It was him! His name being repeated like a mantra, Gon found himself crying messily over the other. Digging his nose into soft strands of hair, he spoke his name in a gasp as he tried to control his breathing enough to say anything else.

 

     Slender, gently fingers brushed through his hair in a comforting manner, the pale man who held him back was shushing his incoherent rambling. The effect calmed him faster than Gon would’ve expected. 

 

    He was happy, ecstatic, and all the same, was soon left feeling conflicted. 

 

    “W-where did you go? What is this…?!” He finally managed, finally looking up to those icy blue hues. Blue hues that flashed with sadness and hurt. 

 

    Why was Killua hurt? 

 

    “I’m sorry.” 

 

    Gon’s brows knitted, he wanted to be happy to see Killua again, without the confliction. Why was Killua apologizing?

 

     Like it was written on his face, the Zoldyck continued; “I never woke you up, I couldn’t be there for you with Mito-san, with Alluka, with any of them.” Killua’s jaw set, teeth clenching as he looked away. “I- I just wish I could’ve done more before I died and came here.” Gon’s chest tightened with every word. Killua’s eyes danced with nervousness, not only that, but he was  _ scared _ .

 

    Slowly, Gon cupped Killua’s face to bring those eyes back to him. “Killua…” He spoke as steady as he could muster. “Please, I- I’m not mad- just confused.” He offered a smile, watching as the tension drained from the pale man’s body. “Explain everything for me?”

 

     Gon’s eyes flickered to Killua’s lips is a split second before looking back to his eyes. Killua managed a short ‘okay’ before Gon was leaning closer. Stopping only centimetres away, he waited. Silently asking for permission. 

 

     Killua breathed out slowly before meeting him, colder lips leaving his tingling. Gon cut off the groan that rumbled in his throat.

 

     “Let me hug you a little longer before you give me an entire university lecture, okay?” Gon said with a pleased sigh as he rested his head on Killua’s chest. “Please.” He added, which he was faintly aware sounded more desperate than he intended. 

 

     “Yeah, of course.” He replied like it was obvious, beginning to brush Gon’s hair with his fingers again. “I think I prefer that anyway.” 

  
  


•°•

  
  


     Killua waved away the thing that poked at his cheek. However, they were insistent, poking at his entire face. Killua didn’t open his eyes until a small tongue licked his nose. A small bear cub with uniquely shaped ears, a more pointed snout, and whiskers that reminded him of a fox or cat than a regular bear that stared down at him with curious eyes. Peering at them from above was Gon. 

 

     “Gon, can you tell your bear not to interrupt someone’s nap?” He grumbled, sitting up from and brushing pieces of grass from his hair. They occupied the garden, Killua’s usual spot when he wasn’t on the job. 

 

     “You don’t need naps though.” Gon’s head tilted with confusion. 

 

     “Doesn’t mean I can’t do it anyway.” Killua grumbled, “are they calling for me?” ‘They’ was heavily referenced to the Head Organizer. To which Gon nodded, grinning. 

 

     “They wanted you to help me with this run this time!” He exclaimed, with as much childlike enthusiasm Killua remembered him having when he was still part of the living. “Come on! I wanna see how many bears I can summon before I pass out!” 

 

     “Mhm, and when that happens I’ll be there to report it to our superior,” Killua replies with an amused snicker. “But seriously, let’s avoid you fainting due to exceeding your limits  _ again _ .”

  
     Gon pouts with an ‘okay  _ fine _ ’ leaving him before it’s quickly replaced with a broad smile. Gon extends a hand to the white-haired male, pulling him to his feet. “Then let’s go!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's officially the end. I actually wrote Killua's meeting with H.O twice cause the first one didn't feel too right so I had to alter stuff. Maybe this chapter didn't fit for you compared to the others, something I'm kind of iffy about but decided on adding that aspect anyway since the whole gods and such existing is part of the whole AU I created anyway. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading! If you've read everything since the beginning then I appreciate you sticking with my on-and-off writing ass xP bless you all


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